Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."

So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???

"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.

Monday morning God decided that the world had reached the point of no return. So, he called Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates up to heaven. He informed them of His decision and told them to go back to their people and prepare them for the end of the world on Thursday.

Boris Yeltsin gets on state television and tells his people that he has bad news and worse news. After decades of telling the Soviet citizens that there is no God, he now realizes that he was wrong. He has seen God with his own eyes. Worse, God has decided to destroy the world. and each person needs to prepare for Thursday as each sees fit.

Bill Clinton calls a press conference and says that he has good news and bad news. After centuries of US citizens believing that there is a God, he has proof that we've been right. He has seen God with his own eyes. The bad news is that God has decided to destroy the world, and each person needs to prepare for Thursday as each sees fit.

Bill Gates calls an all-hands meeting. He says that he has great news and even better news. God, by calling him to heaven along with the leaders of the two most powerful nations in the world, has confirmed just how important Bill Gates really is. The even better news is that on Thursday, IBM will stop shipping OS/2.